Scott Hollifield's humor column: Storm Area 51? Yeah, that's a bad idea

kAmpD 325 :562D 8@[ E9:D @?6 >2J 36 :? E96 CF??:?8 7@C H@CDE @7 a_`hi “w@=5 >J 366C – x’> DE@C>:?8 pC62 d`]”k^Am

kAm%96 366C A2CE >2J 36 @AE:@?2=[ 3FE 2 8C@FA @7 A6@A=6 – 2C@F?5 cd_[___ @C D@ 2D @7 E9:D HC:E:?8 – 92G6 D:8?65 FA @?=:?6 E@ 3F> CFD9 E96 E@A D64C6E 56D6CE >:=:E2CJ 32D6 @? $6AE] a_ 2?5 @?46 2?5 7@C 2== 86E E@ E96 3@EE@> @7 E9:D DA246 2=:6? E9:?8]k^Am

kAmu@C E9@D6 F?72>:=:2C H:E9 pC62 d` W2?5 x’> 8F6DD:?8 A6@A=6 H9@ C68F=2C=J C625 E9:D 4@=F>? 2C6 72>:=:2C H:E9 E@A:4D =:<6 pC62 d`[ >@?<6JD[ 2EE24< DBF:CC6=D 2?5 A6@A=6 >2<:?8 E6CC:3=6 564:D:@?DX[ (:<:A65:2 56D4C:36D pC62 d` 2D “2 9:89=J 4=2DD:7:65 C6>@E6 56E249>6?E @7 t5H2C5D p:C u@C46 q2D6 H:E9:? E96 }6G252 %6DE 2?5 %C2:?:?8 #2?86 WH9:49X ]]]>@DE =:<6=J DFAA@CED E96 56G6=@A>6?E 2?5 E6DE:?8 @7 6IA6C:>6?E2= 2:C4C27E 2?5 H62A@?D DJDE6>D…”k^Am

kAm~E96CD 36=:6G6 :E’D H96C6 E96 8@G6C?>6?E <66AD DA246 2=:6?D[ q:87@@E 2?5 $2?E2 r=2FD]k^Am

kAmp u2463@@< A286 :D AC@>@E:?8 2? 6G6?E 42==65 “$E@C> pC62 d`[ %96J r2?’E $E@A p== @7 &D]” w6C6’D 2 A2DD286 7C@> E96 A286i “(6 H:== 2== >66E FA 2E E96 pC62 d` p=:6? r6?E6C E@FC:DE 2EEC24E:@? 2?5 4@@C5:?2E6 @FC 6?ECJ] x7 H6 ?2CFE@ CF?[ H6 42? >@G6 72DE6C E92? E96:C 3F==6ED] {6ED D66 E96> 2=:6?D]”k^Am

kAmx 5:5?’E <?@H H92E “}2CFE@ #F?” >62?E 6:E96C 3FE[ 36:?8 2 D6C:@FD ;@FC?2=:DE H:E9 2 4C24< C6D62C49 E62> Wv@@8=6X 2E 9:D 5:DA@D2=[ x BF:4<=J 7@F?5 @FE]k^Am

kAmp44@C5:?8 E@ C6A@CE @? E96 s625=:?6 H63D:E6[ “}2CFE@ #F?” C676CD E@ E96 F?:BF6 CF??:?8 DEJ=6 @7 2 y2A2?6D6 42CE@@? 492C24E6C H9@ “:D @7E6? 56A:4E65 DAC:?E:?8 H:E9 9:D 92?5D 369:?5 9:> E@ 564C62D6 H:?5 C6D:DE2?46]”k^Am

kAm&9…J629] %92E’== H@C<]k^Am

kAm(96E96C E9:D :D 2? @?=:?6 AC2?< @C 2? 24EF2= 82E96C:?8 @7 A6@A=6 H9@ 36=:6G6 E96 ECFE9 :D @FE E96C6[ E96 8@G6C?>6?E :D E2<:?8 :E D6C:@FD=J 6?@F89 E@ :DDF6 2 DE2E6>6?E]k^Am

kAmp:C u@C46 DA@<6DH@>2? {2FC2 |4p?5C6HD E@=5 %96 (2D9:?8E@? !@DE E96 >:=:E2CJ H2D AC6A2C65 E@ G2A@C:K6 2== :?ECF56CD H:E9 2 E@A\D64C6E[ 9:89\E649 =2D6C H62A@?] (6==[ D96 5:5?’E 24EF2==J D2J E92E[ 3FE D96 5:5 9:?E 2E :E]k^Am

kAm“WpC62 d`X :D 2? @A6? EC2:?:?8 C2?86 7@C E96 &$ p:C u@C46[ 2?5 H6 H@F=5 5:D4@FC286 2?J@?6 7C@> ECJ:?8 E@ 4@>6 :?E@ E96 2C62 H96C6 H6 EC2:? p>6C:42? 2C>65 7@C46D[” |4p?5C6HD D2:5] “%96 &$ p:C u@C46 2=H2JD DE2?5D C625J E@ AC@E64E p>6C:42 2?5 :ED 2DD6ED]”k^Am

kAmpD 2 ?6HDA2A6C 4@=F>?:DE C68F=2C=J C625 3J 5@K6?D @7 A6@A=6[ x 36=:6G6 x 92G6 2 C6DA@?D:3:=:EJ E@ 255 E@ E9:D H2C?:?8 :? 42D6 2?J @7 E96 cd_[___ @C D@ D:8?65 FA C62==J :?E6?5 @? DE@C>:?8 pC62 d`] w6C6 :D >J 255:E:@?2= H2C?:?8ik^Am

kAmq25 :562[ 5F56] tG6? :7 J@FC :?DA:C2E:@?2= E96>6 “E96J 42?’E DE@A 2== @7 FD” EFC?D @FE E@ 36 ECF6[ E96J DFC6 42? DE@A 2 =@E @7 J@F[ 6DA64:2==J E9@D6 :? 7C@?E] xE’D ;FDE ?@E H@CE9 :E] w2G6 J@F D66? H92E E9@D6 E@A\D64C6E[ 9:89\E649 =2D6C H62A@?D 42? 5@n ~7 4@FCD6 J@F 92G6?’E] %92E’D H9J E96J’C6 E@A D64C6E] qFE[ 2D 2 >6>36C @7 E96 >65:2 :? @? E96 H9@=6 E9:?8[ x 42? E6== J@F E96J 5@ H:4<65 52>286] *@F 5@?’E H2?E ?@?6 @7 E92E[ 3C@]k^Am

kAm$A246 2=:6?D[ q:87@@E[ $2?E2 r=2FD[ E96J’C6 2== 7:?6] pC62 d` :D =:<6 2 C6D@CE 7@C E96>[ <:?5 @7 =:<6 y:>>J qF776EE’D “|2C82C:E2G:==6”\E96>65 C6E:C6>6?E 4@>>F?:EJ] q:87@@E 2?5 $2?E2 r=2FD 92?8 @FE 3J E96 A@@=] $A246 2=:6?D 5@ J@82 :? E96 >@C?:?8 :? E96 C64 C@@>] t=G:D A2EC@=D E96 H9@=6 A=246 :? 2 8@=7 42CE 2?5 :DDF6D ?@G6=EJ 4:E2E:@?D E@ A6@A=6 H9@ 2C6?’E “E2<:?’ 42C6 @7 3FD:?6DD[ 323J]”k^Am

kAmw665 E96 25G:46 @7 p:C u@C46 DA@<6DH@>2? {2FC2 |4p?5C6HDWH9@ >2J @C >2J ?@E 36 7C@> E96 A=2?6E p?5@C:2X 2?5 DE2J 2H2J 7C@> pC62 d`] }@ 2>@F?E @7 AC6\6G6?E 366C 4@?DF>AE:@? H:== 96=A J@F 6D42A6 E96 HC2E9 @7 E96 >:=:E2CJ’D E@A\D64C6E[ 9:89\E649 =2D6C H62A@?[ ?@ >2EE6C 9@H >F49 J@F AC24E:46 J@FC }2CFE@ #F?] !=62D6 36=:6G6 {2FC2 W@C +2?5C@>652 2D D96 H2D <?@H? @? 96C 9@>6 A=2?6EX 2?5 >6[ :E’D 2 325 :562[ >2J36 E96 H@CDE @7 a_`h]k^Am

kAm{:G6 =@?8 2?5 AC@DA6C]k^Am

kAm$4@EE w@==:7:6=5 :D 65:E@C^v| @7 %96 |4s@H6== }6HD :? |2C:@?[ }]r] 2?5 2 9F>@C 4@=F>?:DE]k^Am